I pray every day for peace of mind. It's there half the time. But the other half, I get stuck back in the rut of feeling sorry for myself because I can't be with the ones I love. I'm developing good friends here, and I'm so blessed to have them. But my friends and loved ones at home mean SO much to me. I'm lucky to be able to talk to..most.. of them whenever I want. But other people I feel like they don't want to talk to me at all anymore. No, not just Michael, other people too. I guess when you leave home you really find out who your true friends are. Who will keep their word and stay in touch. I've been making an effort, really. I promised I wouldn't be one of those people that leaves and forgets everyone at home, and I've been trying my hardest to keep that promise. But it's hard when people don't make the effort in return.
I've also realized lately how much I trust people, and sometimes I really shouldn't. Casey really let me down. He said so many perfect things that I let myself fall so hard for him. But he hasn't kept his word on a single thing he said. I have no desire to talk to him at all anymore.
And even people I love.. I have to realize that sometimes they just say what I want to hear. Promises can be broken. Even huge promises. And they have been... and it breaks my heart. If you hadn't said you would do everything in your power to remain friends, then that'd be one thing. BUT YOU PROMISED. Does that not mean anything to you? Does eliminating me from your life temporarily really help? Wouldn't it be worth talking and just being friends? We can't be together, but I don't understand why you can't talk to me. I know it won't be like old times again right away, but the longer we wait, the longer it'll be before it can be like old times. Unless you don't want that. But I can tell you one thing... that's one of the only things I know right now. That I need you in my life. You are one of the most important people to me. Without you I just really am not the same person. I know that sounds cliche, but it's soooo true. I need you SO much. Christmas break I better see you. I'm depending on it. It's the only thing that keeps me out of my rut. So PLEASE follow through.
I don't even know that you read this anymore. But maybe just this once, you will.