Yup..college can come anytime now. About the only reason I don't want to go is my family. But I've realized lately how few people outside of my family really care about others other than themselves. I find myself doing more and more stuff by myself, realizing that I don't click with a lot of my friends anymore. More and more Friday nights are spent at home.
There are still a couple people that I love being around, that I feel like I can really talk to. But I'm ready to move on, make a new group of friends, start over in a new town where no one knows my name or my past. I won't have to worry about them already having heard the story I want to tell them. And I can hear about them too. I can be a part of other people's lives that I haven't been around for the last 18 years.
I want to have that strong group of friends that I can call up at anytime and hang out with them instead of having to try to schedule our times together a week in advance. A group of friends that I know will be there when I need them, just as I'll be there for them when they need me. I feel like so many of my relationships right now are one sided. It's always ME that makes the plans. I want to be with a group of friends that call me too.
I'm just ready to meet new people. Ready to have a fresh start with no prior judgments or rumors. I want to be able show the real side of me that right now I only expose to my family. The noisy, screaming, always smiling side. Not the side of me that feels like I have to hold in half of what I want to say or do because I feel like they wouldn't accept that that's the person I really am.
I'm not bashing the friends that I have right now. I love every single one of them. I've loved every memory I've made with them. But really, how many people have seen that "loud" side of me? How many can say they know the "real" Shelly?
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